


Tell Me How to Break Yours With Grace

by BeccaBear93



Category: Compilation of Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy VII Remake (Video Game 2020)
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Established Relationship, M/M, Song: Grace (Bebe Rexha), Unhappy Ending, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-03
Updated: 2020-09-03
Packaged: 2021-03-06 18:15:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,932
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26263273
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BeccaBear93/pseuds/BeccaBear93
Summary: If Cloud could have just one wish, it would be to return Andrea’s love the way he deserves.
Relationships: Andrea Rhodea/Cloud Strife
Comments: 3
Kudos: 6





	Tell Me How to Break Yours With Grace

**Author's Note:**

> If you didn't catch the title or tag, this is a ficlet to Bebe Rexha's "Grace," because I have Feelings about that song and needed to get them out... And since poor Andrea and Cloud are my obsession currently, they got to have it taken out on them. I only spent a few hours on this one because, in all honesty, it's mostly a vent fic written for myself. I know most people will be put off by the angst and by Cloud being overly emotional (this is the second time I'm inflicting this kind of shit on this fandom, why am I like this?), but that's okay. Maybe someone out there will enjoy it, though, and if you do, then I'm glad!

Cloud’s been laying on the bed for hours now, head pillowed on Andrea’s chest, but his mind is too loud today. Won’t let him rest, because he knows what he has to do. He sighs and props himself up on his elbows to watch Andrea, to memorize his face.

“What’s wrong, love?” Andrea asks worriedly, cupping Cloud’s face in his hand and brushing his thumb over his cheek.

Something in him breaks a little. The same way it always does when Andrea calls him that, when he says he loves him. If he could have just one wish, it would be to have control over his own feelings. To be able to return Andrea’s love the way he deserves. He’s one of the best people Cloud’s ever met, has treated him better than he ever could have dreamed… and he’s _tried_. He’s given it time and effort and _hope_ , but deep down he always knew that he would never be able to love Andrea. Not the way he should. Not the way they both want. Not the way he would if the world made any goddamn sense (if _hearts_ made any goddamn sense).

“Sweetheart?”

A knuckle runs lightly under his eye, catching a tear. Cloud didn’t even realize he was crying, but now that he's started, he can’t seem to stop. A sob tears its way out of his chest, and he sits up to curl in on himself, biting his lip hard enough to bleed. “I’m sorry,” he manages to gasp out, but of course Andrea doesn’t understand what he’s apologizing for. How could he?

“Don’t apologize for crying, Cloud,” Andrea says sadly, sitting up and gathering the blond into his arms. “Can you tell me what’s wrong, though? Is there any thing _at all_ that I can do to help? It breaks my heart to see you like this…”

 _I haven_ _’t broken your heart, not yet,_ Cloud thinks hysterically, and it just shatters another piece of his own. He shakes his head. Wants to make it quick and painless ( _it’s_ never _going to be painless_ ), but he can’t quite force out the words he needs to. “I’m sorry,” he repeats. “You… you deserve so much better.”

“What on earth are you talking about, darling? I don’t know what you’re feeling so guilty over, but there is _nothing_ you could do that I wouldn’t forgive, especially when it’s so obviously tearing you up. There is _no such thing_ as ‘better.’”

Another horrible, wounded sound escapes. He pushes at Andrea’s chest, lightly, and the other man immediately backs off and gives him space. Cloud slides off the bed, paces away a few steps. He can’t look at Andrea anymore, feels twitchy and guilty and like he’s the worst person on the planet for what he’s about to do. Wonders just how fucking _broken_ he really is, to not be able to accept the best goddamn thing that’s ever happened to him—to not be able to accept someone who treats him like royalty and kisses him like he’ll never get tired of it and so genuinely _loves_ even the darkest parts of him. “I—I can’t—” Cloud tries. Has to stop when the words stutter and catch in his lungs. Lets out a shaky breath and gives himself a minute. It isn’t fair of him to keep acting like _he_ _’s_ the one that this will break, not fair to make Andrea worry about _his_ pain. So he takes a few deep breaths, futilely wipes at the tears on his face, and turns back to face Andrea. Still can’t meet his eyes. “I can’t… _stay_ with you anymore,” he says, quiet, voice breaking on the last word. “I’m sorry.” Crying again, still not fair of him. “I’m _so fucking sorry..._ ”

“…Cloud?” Andrea asks, standing up and taking a step closer. His voice is too quiet, too weak, wavers over his name. He reaches out, hand hovering near Cloud’s shoulder for a few seconds before dropping away. “Did… did something happen? Did _I_ do something to upset you this much? You know you can always be honest with me…”

“…I know,” Cloud says eventually, wrapping his arms around himself. Tries to meet Andrea’s eyes, but the look on his face hurts too much. “That’s… that’s why I’m saying it. Because you deserve better. You deserve the truth.” It’s a little easier to speak, somehow. The hard part is out. Can’t take it back now. “You didn’t do _anything_ wrong, not a _single goddamn thing_. _Please_ don’t think that you did. But you’re too goddamn good for me. And you deserve to find someone who can love you right, who won't waste your time. And I can’t keep lying to you _or_ myself. I’m _never_ going to be that person, no matter how much I wish I could.”

Andrea stares at him for a long moment before dropping onto the edge of the bed. “…You’re serious,” he says. Not a question.

“…Yeah.”

“Is there _anything_ I could say to change your mind? Anything I could do to make you stay?”

“Andrea…” Cloud says. Tries to blink away the tears. Maybe he was wrong. Maybe _this_ is the hard part. The part where Andrea doesn’t let him go without a fight. “You’ve _already_ given me _everything_. I don’t think there’s anything more you _could_ do. I… I _wish_ I could make myself stay. But I can’t. It isn’t fair to you. Isn’t fair to myself, either,” he adds, because he knows that it will get through to Andrea more, but it matters _so much_ less. Sure, maybe he’d miss the chance to fall in love with someone else someday, but it’s not like it would be a _hardship_ to stay with Andrea. To be loved and pampered forever and treated like he’s _worth_ it all.

“I… It’s okay if you don’t love me, Cloud,” Andrea says weakly. “I can live with that.”

“…I know you could. But you _shouldn_ _’t_. I don’t want you to settle for second best when you could have something _real_.”

“…And if I never find ‘something real?’”

“You will,” Cloud says. He’s never been more sure of anything in his life, because anyone who doesn’t fall in love with this man is a goddamn idiot. _He_ _’s_ a goddamn idiot. But there’s someone out there who _isn_ _’t_ , someone who will steal Andrea’s heart and protect and treasure it like they should, and Andrea will find them. He _has_ to. And _Cloud_ has to _believe_ that he will, or he’ll walk straight back into Andrea’s arms, and maybe they won’t be lonely but it will _never_ be what either of them truly _needs_. “Everything you gave me, I’ll—I’ll bring it back to you soon. You’ve wasted too much time on me, not gonna make you waste your money too—” He cuts off his own rambling, slides a ring off his finger because it’s all he has on him—not _the_ ring, thank god. (But maybe he was scared it would come to that soon. Maybe that’s why he finally gathered the strength to do this now, before it's too late.) He steps forward to press it into Andrea’s hand, and— _Oh_ , he has the earrings too, doesn’t he? The first gift Andrea ever gave him, the night they met, and it hurts so much worse to take those out and hand them over, feels like there’s a vice squeezing his heart, and he can’t quite contain the tiny squeak in his breath as the tears start flowing again.

“Don’t you _dare_ ,” Andrea says, pushing them away, and beyond the pain and sadness, he actually looks a little angry. _Good_. He _should_ be. Cloud can take anger. “If I can’t stop you from leaving, then leave. But don’t you _dare_ insult me like that. I spent time and money on you because I _wanted_ to, because I _love_ you—” _Please don_ _’t say that!_ “—So don’t try to give it all back. Don’t try to sweep away the evidence that we were ever together.”

“That—I wasn’t—” But maybe he was. Maybe it wasn’t for Andrea’s sake after all. Maybe he just didn’t want to have to see the painful reminders every day of something that’s gone.

“Then _don_ _’t_.”

“…Okay,” Cloud says, shoulders slumping. He squeezes the jewelry tight in his hand. ( _Not_ too _tight, dear god don_ _’t break them!_ )

Andrea’s silent for a minute, but just when Cloud starts to think that there’s nothing left to say, he speaks up. “Why are you crying, Cloud?” he asks quietly.

“What? _Of course_ I—What the hell do you _mean_ , ‘why?’”

“If you don’t love me, then why is this breaking your heart?” he asks. His voice is careful, even. Covering up whatever _he_ _’s_ thinking and feeling.

“…Because I hate breaking _yours_.”

“Then why do it?”

“Andrea…” Cloud sighs. “You’re not going to stop me. I don’t want to hurt you, but it’s better to do it now than later. Better not to wait for the point of no return, when it’ll mean either hurting you so bad it can’t be fixed or both of us lying to ourselves for our whole lives.”

Andrea closes his eyes, gives a bitter little laugh and shakes his head. “…Okay,” he says eventually, opening his eyes again. His voice stabs at Cloud, tiny pinpricks of hurt, when he asks, "Will I still get to see you, or are you making this a clean break?”

“…I think you already know the answer to that,” Cloud says, staring at the floor. It’ll hurt less this way (or maybe more, at least for a while). And it'll make it harder to change his mind and fall back into Andrea’s arms.

“…Okay,” he repeats, standing up. He steps closer and tilts Cloud’s chin up. Aims for lighthearted and ends up a galaxy away when he asks, “Do I at least get a goodbye kiss?”

It hurts, being forced to meet Andrea’s eyes like this, but after a few moments, Cloud nods slightly. Waits for Andrea to close the gap between them, then pours every ounce of emotion he has into the kiss—all of the pain and guilt and _love_ , because he _does_ love him, _so goddamn much_ , even if it will never be the kind of love that he needs, will never be enough to save them. Cloud closes his eyes and feels tears running down his face again. Doesn’t want to know if they’re his or Andrea’s. He doesn’t pull away until Andrea does, and when he does, it’s with a shaky sigh. Doesn’t know what else there is to say. ‘I’m sorry’ again, maybe, or ‘You’ll be alright.’ Instead he just stands there, takes Andrea in again, memorizes the sight of him as if he hasn’t already had every detail memorized for so long now. Then he takes a deep breath and steps back, catching the bedroom door handle behind his back. Forces himself to muster up one last smile to leave Andrea with. “…Goodbye.”

He’s out the door before Andrea can reply, because he’s a coward. Because he can’t stand to hear the words that he knows he’d leave him with again.

He doesn’t stop until he’s outside in the sun. Of course it’s ‘sunny,’ it always is under the plate. But today, he hates it. Today, it feels wrong that there's no rain pouring down, no punishing wind whipping at him.

Cloud takes a deep breath, and it tastes like freedom. Maybe someday that freedom won't taste so bittersweet.


End file.
